Washington, DC – The resolution of the 2012 presidential election prior to midnight on election day has resulted in bipartisan support of hiring a Hollywood director for 2016.
“The public has come to expect The Day After Tomorrow type panic from voting in the past three presidential elections,” reported famed campaign strategist/financer Don T Matterwhowins. “If we don’t provide that level of adrenalin rush, the donations will go down. The riches spent on advertising will decrease. The media stations will make less money. It will lead to an economic collapse of the entertainment industry.”
The lack of a volatile recount, doomsday prophecies, and a hostile take-over of a congressional majority has caused the price of advertising times in many media outlets to plummet. The negative impact this calm reelection of Obama has had on the economy is reflected in the stock market, with worse to possibly follow. Since one of the top exports of the United States is entertainment, some industry experts fear that the lack of commercial profit nationally could cause a vacuum in revenue that could collapse the thin, puffed up, dollars of Hollywood.
“Short of a miracle like Malia Obama getting pregnant with Boehner’s love child and labeling their offspring the antichrist, this election has been a total profit loss,” stated Matterwhowins. “Thank God for the marijuana and gay marriage. Those should keep a roof over my head until Honey Boo Boo is old enough to run for president.”
Concerns about the potential revenue loss for the entertainment industry has spurred an across the isle, bipartisan approach to the 2016
campaigns, Matterwhowins confirmed. James Cameron has been fingered as a possible plot-director for the future elections.
“Revenue would go through the roof if we could offer blue cat-people in 3-D. It is the American way, and could save our economy,” Matterwhowins said. “Cameron would be
great! We should all keep our eyes peeled for the previews.”
DC Area Election Results: