SOMEWHERE, Tx. – The NORAD Santa Tracker reports that they lost track of Santa’s Sleigh around 4:13 Christmas morning, Central Time. Around the same time it is reported by an undisclosed source that a fat, jolly man was admitted to an Emergency Department in Somewhere, Texas, for multiple gunshot wounds by a high power rifle.
“It is hard to say how much blood was lost,” reported a hospital spokesperson, “because the man was wearing all red.”
The police reports that a man was clamoring down a chimney when a few armed siblings, all of schookl-age, apprehended the trespasser with their F-2000 assault rifles. A tragic Christmas day robbery was clearly narrowly avoided.
The gun-shot survivor remains unidentified at this time.