WASHINGTON, DC – In an attempt to pacify the outrage against the National Rifle Ass.’s proposed armed guards in schools, a spokesperson expounded upon the gun-lobby’s stance to include gun-toting toddlers.
“Look, a gun is a tool. The problem is the criminal,” stated the spokesperson. “And who is less criminal than sweet children?”
“Think of it as that Home Economics project with the egg-as-a-baby that’s used to scare kids away from sex,” continued the spokesperson, “only with bullets. Plus this will weed out the bad ones early, shortening the life-span of potential mass shooters in the future. The other children will turn on the crazy one just like they did Piggy in Lord of the Flies. Evil, fat, Piggy . . .”