NRA Proposes Arming School Children

WASHINGTON, DC –  In an attempt to pacify the outrage against the National Rifle Ass.’s proposed armed guards in schools, a spokesperson expounded upon the gun-lobby’s stance to include gun-toting toddlers.

Look, a gun is a tool. The problem is the criminal,” stated the spokesperson. “And who is less criminal than sweet children?”

An Armed After-School Activity while Parent's Work

An Armed After-School Activity while Parent’s Work

The NRAss.’s new plan would include early ammo education, after-school quick-draw programs, and target practice included in Physical Education.

“Think of it as that Home Economics project with the egg-as-a-baby that’s used to scare kids away from sex,” continued the spokesperson, “only with bullets. Plus this will weed out the bad ones early, shortening the life-span of potential mass shooters in the future. The other children will turn on the crazy one just like they did Piggy in Lord of the Flies. Evil, fat, Piggy . . .”

Texas and Mississippi have already begun drawing plans as how to implement the “Fun-Gun” program. Other Red states are expected to follow suit.

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