“At first I was horrified,” reported a first responder to the scene, where Moron Jr beat in the face of his girlfriend with the help of a metal trashcan. “She appeared to have a cracked skull and
a fractured orbital . . . I realized it was Moron Jr’s girlfriend! What a good guy, getting his girl a manadotry surgical face lift for the holidays.”
Moron’s Jr’s girl will likely start the new year with a whole new look, a new face. She won’t even recognize herself in the mirror. As for Senator Jam Moron, he modestly stated to the press that his boy and the young lady are “both good kids” rather than take any credit for raising such a gracious young man as Moron Jr.
This story is definitely a holiday tear jerker as it appears the sweet hero Moron Jr will be forced to plead guilty to minimal charges and take an even more minimal punishment. Just goes to show that no good action can go unpunished, and no bad action won’t receive reward, if you’re the son of a Senator.