Crack-Heads Excited for DC School Closings

Washington, DC – The recent plan put forth by DC Public School Chancellor Kaya Henderson to close 20 public schools has found unprecedented support from the Real Union of Crack Kulture (RUCK), an international organization for crack enthusiasts.

“We of RUCK believe in the perseverance of abandoned buildings for the proliferation of crack culture,” stated Ichabod Scratch, RUCK spokesperson. “Abandoned buildings are

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the cornerstone for the dissemination of our culture in the form of crack homes.”

When asked about concerns for the education of the future children of the District of Columbia Scratch responded “Can they use a lighter?”

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