Washington, DC – Song-master Bob Dylan graced the stage of the VerizonCenter last evening on his tour promoting his new album Tempest. Area fans remain grateful that only two songs from the new gravelly album were played, but their joy was overshadowed by concerns for the artist’s health.
“I mean, of course he sounded awful,” reported fan and audience member Avery Oldlady. “But when he let out a ‘HURR’ instead of ‘hair’ in Tangled up in Blue, I seriously thought he was going to die right in front of my grandchildren I dragged there with me.”
911.” The famous chorus of Ballad of a Thin Man (“Something is happening here, but you don’t know what it is”) was interpreted as geriatric confusion by the singer. “How does it feel?” in Like a Rolling Stone left audience members concerned the musician had lost feelings in an extremity, a thought further complicated by the right-leg lifting Dylan repeated like a disabled dancer, and feared their folk-rock hero was having a stroke.
“I mean, I am sure they took precautions and that all those talented, strapping young musician men around Bob knew CPR,” Avery stated. “But by the time we were applauding for an encore, I found myself calling out ‘We love you Dylan! But it’s ok if it’s nappy time!’ I mean, the guy has to retire sometime. We’re exploiting an old man.”
Others reported that although the band and singer rarely seemed to be playing the same tune, Dylan had some strong vocal moments like that in Blowin in the Wind, which was played in encore and made the audience suspect that motherfucker could sing the whole time. All present agreed that they hoped Bob Dylan continued to sing, perform and live forever.