Monthly Archives: August 2012

Area Woman: Cult Enthusiast

Where the fuck's the photo?

Ilene Tocrazy Looking Sexy

ALEXANDRIA, Va. – Local woman Ilene Tocrazy, 30, recently spoke to This DC Paper about her expanding activities as a multi-cultist.

“I was far too lazy to go to the gym or read a self-help book,” explained Tocrazy, “so I thought I’d take it easy on myself and go the easy route: let others think for me!”

The divorcee explained that after she was no longer expected to support, explain or quietly stand beside her ex-husband’s opinions there was a “wooshing noise” where her personality was supposed to be.

“I shared some of the basic concepts he had about life at one point or another, but really after I quit my multi-million-dollar-a-year dramamine habit I was forced to face the fact that most of his ideas were just plain bad.”

Tocrazy began her cult behavior by joining Dramamine Anonymous, which in turn put her touch Handsome Charles Mansonwith religious zealots who write Charles Manson in daily confession, and vegans who chant “cows-are-people-too” in Sanskrit.

“The chanting has been really amazing. I don’t have to think at all and I’m doing something!”

Eventually Tocrazy is interested in starting her own cult, but feels that there is still much research to be done.

“I am looking forward to finding a peaceful community to release some of my aggression with. I’m thinking I’d like to find a group that supports chicken sacrifice or smearing goat’s blood.”

Tocrazy has been collecting various cults memorabilia, such as Dramamine boxes and a jellybean mosaic of Manson, which are now on display in the Public Library.

DC Area Cults of Interest:

Romney's Pet Elephant

Obama's Pet Donkey

A Giant Fucking flower

Marion Barry

Nothing posted here is serious, if you think it is it is your own stupid fault.

This DC Paper does not endorse addictive behaviors of any kind: cult, dramamine or otherwise.

If you think you have a cult problem get help here

If you think you have a dramamine problem get help here